Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The shoedown.

I think people have lost sight of what’s really important with the pediassault in explosive Iraq. People keep talking about it being a statement of defiance, a single, comprehensive declaration that encompasses the worldwide resentment towards the American warmonger.

Well fear not sheep, your Shepard is here to keep you from straying and to focus on what is truly important pertaining to this little display.

If the shoes fits

Allow me to toss my shoe into the ring with some insights that will lace everything together nice and tight.

1.) First things first, can anyone tell me what brand the weapon of choice was? I feel that if he had used a pair of Nike’s famous Airforce Ones he would have enjoyed better air time which would have improved his chances of hitting the shoe on the head. Maybe a heavier shoe like a Timberland would have helped due to its excess weight. It would have dipped at the right time to ensure success. Remember no steel toes because he would have never gotten them through the metal detectors.

2.) All the major shoe oligarchs of the world are kicking themselves, think about the kind of brand equity they would have built if it was their lovechild that was hurled across the room.
Jimmy Choo- Knock any man of his feet.
Timberland - Let your shoes do the talking.
Nike - Just shoe it.
Just Shoe it : To throw footwear at something or someone to express disgust, disdain or disinterest. Words to live by.
Their global sales would have gone up, especially in markets such as North Korea, Venezuela, Iran, Palestine (if they could get them through the Israeli Blockades) and Pakistan just to name a few.They could have come up with their own line Nike AOEs ( Axis of Evil) and Jimmy Choo AOE ( Access the Evil in you) . Come to think of it people in Africa and India might even start wearing shoes. Ships transporting shoes beware of Somali pirates.

3.) Last but not least… where are the shoes that were heard and seen around the world? I am sure that currently it is vigorously being tested for traces of chemical weapons. Then it has to be ruled out as a weapon of mass destruction before it can be released into the wonderful world of eBay. Those shoes are the keys to stamping out this current financial impediment. Put it on eBay, some rich sovereign wealth fund will buy it under the guise of a wise investment. The money generated is a shoe in to :

1.) To kick the financial crisis in the face. The wealth fund money that will be raised to buy them will be enough to saturate the liquidity of financial institues galore.

2.)It will give the now flourishing shoe industry denizens a well deserved raise from 10 cents a day to 15 cents a day( that’s stimulating the economy right there). Yes children that's one more grain of rice you can purchase.

Eventually wherever the shoes do land, their proud owner can sleep well knowing that they double footedly saved the global economy and made their own shoeprints in the sands of history.
Till then think about what could have been :

1 comment:

Rendezvous said...

I was laughing hysterically at this one! Thanks for the sideache!